I left town last night, because I was so fed up. Stayed with a friend. We got a pizza and watched the Braves game (they lost ugh). Well, for probably a half hour or so, I was texting on my phone and I was getting more aggravated by the minute. I had finally decided to stop being hardheaded and try to work things out with my mom and older sister yesterday. I texted them yesterday afternoon and told them that considering we are going wedding dress shopping for my little sister in a week or two, I wanted to try to get on better terms.
I told my mom that I really had no idea why she was upset with me over not calling her at 7am. I told her I was so hurt that I found her car in the driveway and she didn't bother to tell me she was in town. I explained that I've needed her support lately more than ever and have not been able to turn to her. She responded with all this crap about why would she let me know she was in town when all I ever do is get angry with her. I treat my friends better than I do my family. That she didn't think it was right that I told everybody in a facebook message what was going on, because my family should be more important (to which I responded that I only wanted to tell everyone one time and that shouldn't offend her). I explained that I don't see why she gets mad at me just because I don't react to things the way she would or thinks I should. For example, she hated the fact I haven't wanted to talk to anyone -- including her -- on the phone for awhile now. That bothers her, but I did it for my own sanity. I am so sick of always trying to make everybody else happy and am finally trying to live for myself and God only. I left that last part out when talking to her though.
Anyway, as far as my sister goes, she talked about how I was depressed (which besides this medical stuff, no I've not been depressed) and whatever for awhile now and I needed help. Said that I'm always angry. Um, no. I am usually angry with HER. I told her it was the pot calling the kettle black. She has become the most negative, angry, demanding, controlling, and judgemental person that I know and I told her that flat out. I've had it with her. She talked about how she wanted her sister back, well, guess what. When she wants to go back to being the person I used to love hanging out with, well, she might just get the response from me that she wants. Until then, I really want little to do with her. I already only handle her in small doses. She said she loved me and that when I was ready to be a friend and good sister again, she'd be there. My response was simply that love was respect and that she totally disrespected me when she went and told my business that she had no business telling. She claims that family doesn't keep secrets - especially about health. Well, guess what. It was MY secret to decide when I wanted dad to know -- not her!!! So, I simply will know next time not to go to her for anything. And, when I do find out what is going on, she will likely be the last to know.
I am so tired of all of this. So freakin tired. I get made to feel like this horrible person because I don't go out of my way to live my life for other people. Sorry, but I spent way too much of my life trying to do that and all it ever did was make me feel badly when I decided to do something I wanted to do and NOT someone else. To this day, I still wonder what other people will think if I make a certain decision, and I freaking hate that!! I am a single woman who shouldn't have a care in the world what anybody else thinks, but that's my problem: I care waaaaaaaaay too much what other people think and I have no idea how to change that. I guess maybe that's why I come off as mean most of the time to my family, because I get sick to death of hearing what they think I should do. If I want their freakin opinions, I'll ask for em!!!!
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