Tuesday I will officially see a neurologist. Yes, previously, I'd stated that I'd taken the stance of "keeping my head in the sand", however more problems arose. About a week and a half ago I was diagnosed with a sinus infection (something I get several times a year, no big deal). This time, however, I was reminded of one time last year that I had the same problem. A headache that simply will not go away. Last year, I was admitted to the hospital for a night, given every drug under the sun and then discharged (with a headache still), because I did not currently have insurance. I'm happy to say, I do not work, nor will I ever be a patient again, at this hospital. They even called me while I was in my hospital bed to talk about daggum insurance! However, I digress.
I went to the ER on Sunday. I had already missed a week of work (three nights as a nurse), and Sunday made my fourth. I was given an antibiotic and also a pain med with codeine specifically used for migraines at urgent care when I was diagnosed with the sinus infection. It got rid of all my symptoms...but did not touch my headache. So, when I went to the ER, I was given a stronger antibiotic and then vicodin to try to knock it out. Absolutely nothing. I have now been out of work five shifts counting tonight. I am not feeling quite as badly today as I have been, but I also spent 97% of my day and evening completely horizontal in bed. (minus a daggum firealarm that went off in my apt complex that woke me..yeah, that was fun).
I was told in the ER Sunday that if my headache was still present in 48 hours, to call a neurologist and gave me the name of one (which, if you remember, was a problem I had before of knowing which one to choose). Well, Monday morning (yes, even though I haven't worked in over two weeks, still having trouble switching nights and days! haha), I hoped and prayed that things would get better, because I was scared of what a neurologist may find. Tuesday morning came, things weren't better. I waited, took my antibiotic, ate some breakfast. Things that I thought may make me feel a little better. Nothing. So, I called the neurologist.
This lady needed a new job, because it was obvious how much she hates her current one. Anyway, this secretary proceeds to tell me that she can get me in on Tuesday of next week. I obviously have a shocked reaction, because she replied, "What? Does that not work for you?" To which I replied, "Yeah, I, mean, that's fine. It's just so far away." "Well, it's really not --" "I know, I know..it's not your fault..I'm just hurting" "Well, most people take months to get in...." Just rude. Yes, I understand how things work. I'm in the medical field, but I'd already dealt with the headache for almost a week and a half to the point I couldn't work, and now I'm being asked to deal with it for another week. That's not easy.
So anway, I also told her that I would also like to be tested for MS. (Yes, since I'm going, I will go ahead and be tested even though I'm already scared about the headache.) She told me it was something I can talk to the doctor about. So, you're telling me that it is so difficult for you to write down that the patient has an ongoing headache and that she would like to also have MS testing done? Really. Just write it down, woman. That way, my appointment slot won't look like it should be maybe an hour or two appt for the office, when, in actuality, it may very well take much longer. I have no idea.
Needless to say, I'm annoyed and in pain. I haven't been on my computer much lately, because it hurts. Honestly, I've written this blog in pieces, but I had to get some stuff out. Yes, I'm truly scared. It's kind of the downside to having the medical knowledge that I have. I know what things like a CT scan can show, and I've been having the nightmares to prove it. I fear my whole life could change Tuesday, and there's nothing I can do about it.
What's worse is that I don't even think the last couple of nights I had enough vacation time to cover, so I'm pretty sure I'm out of work without pay at this point. I still have to (odds are) call in tomorrow night and also Monday. I would have to call in Monday anyway, because there's no way I can work all night Monday and then make it to an 11am appointment. Are you kidding? I am getting ready to move in roughly a month and a half, and I desperately need the money. I had already planned to start picking up some overtime, because I have trips and things (including Christmas) coming up. Well, looks like I will now be dipping into my savings that I've tried so hard not to touch. It isn't like I have an overabundance, but it may be just enough to get me over this hurdle, and Lord am I prayin it does!! I have no idea what I would do if I can't pay my bills and afford the app fee plus first month's rent on my new place. I definitely can't stay here month to month, because my rent will increase about $500. There's no way even if I had been working the whole time I could afford that kind of a jump. I barely make it now. I end up with a couple hundred bucks left in between paychecks if things like pharmacy bills and unexpected things don't come up. I have been working diligently to pay off my debt and figured out the other week just how much I'd paid off since I started. I was actually proud of myself, considering a portion of it was when I was simply a hostess in a restaurant. I fear it is all about to change though. I will definitely be working overtime when I get to feeling better. It is no longer an option. I will be telling them every time I leave work to call me if they need me. It is truly going to SUCK, because I'm so relieved after a horrible night and I'm totally exhausted and get out at 10am sometimes and realize I don't have to come back that night. Well, things are about to change and there's nothing I can do about it if I'm going to stay on top of everything. This is the worst possible time to have to worry about all of this, because I'm definitely fearing for my life and life as I know it right now. Add financial troubles on top of it, yeah, I'm stressed. I'm not really fun to be around right now, but that's partially because I've spent the majority of the last two weeks by myself. I'm going stir crazy. I can't leave my apartment, because I can't handle light. I can't handle noise, so the tv stays on as low as it can go. I can't read, because it hurts. I managed to clean my apartment in many many many stages last night. Got all done but the vaccuuming, because it was about 4am.
I doubt anybody actually reads this blog, but if you find that you've stumbled across it, would you mind please just saying a prayer that everything will be ok? I'm truly very scared right now. Thanks!
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