Relationship Service

Tonight I watched an online service from my old youth pastor that he gave either yesterday or last week. It was all about reimagining relationships. He said that too often we don't want to be disturbed and brought out of our status quo when it comes to fixing relationships. He pointed out that we today are more connected technilogically than ever before but less connected relationally than ever before and Facebook was the perfect example. He stated that he was a member of it as well, and thinks Facebook can be a great thing and used to help people in many ways. It does have it's downsides too as we all know. The point is that Facebook knew people long to connect with other people. I personally am a perfect example. It's not easy with the hours that I work to simply go out and meet knew people. I have very few friends because I've lost many over the years. I somewhat did this to myself unintentionally. In high school, I usually hung out with the people a year or two older than I was. When they graduated, I was stuck looking for a new group. By senior year, people kind of had their group and so I was kind of an outsider of my own group if that even makes sense. Then in college, I was super busy. I definitely had my share of fun, just maybe not as much as most. I also did not stand up to one of my roommates enough about doing stuff with people I wanted to instead of who she wanted to hang out with. Then I started my relationship with my ex, and I never felt included in their group. Yes, they were nice. But I never felt a part of them. I wasn't like them. I don't think it was the fault of anyone. I think it was simply different personalities. Well, I think this was just one more thing that contributed to my ex and I ending things. Who knows.
So, yes, there are definitely reasons I feel the need to connect. He said that we too often, though, let pride get in the way of fixing our relationships. We want God to forgive us every time we ask and we want to ask an infinite number of times. On the other hand, we want to count the number of times people hurt us and we don't want to forgive them.
This really hit home with me, because of the situation with my sister. Sunday was the first time I've so much as spoken with her in a month. I kept waiting for that apology and for her to realize what she had done. Every time I've prayed I was letting my pride get to me. My prayer would always be along the lines of "Lord, please help my relationship with my sister to get better. I know I need to take steps to fix it, but I told her I didn't want to talk to her until she apologized. If I give in, she won't get it." Something like that. Anyway, it is something I've obviously been struggling with. And I've never really considered myself overly prideful, but I guess sometimes I really am. It took that service tonight to make me realize it.
So, I sat down and emailed my sister. I told her from the very beginning my intention was reconciliation. I told her things that I was upset about that she thought of me. I explained I have learned I will probably never get an apology from her but that God has made me realize it's not my job to make sure she gets it basically. I also explained the things that have bothered me about how she treats people. Throughout the entire email I reassured her that my intentions were pure and I was hoping she would see it as me trying to reconcile rather than her wanting to start a fight over it.
I really don't know what kind of response I will get or when I will get one. I am nervous, but I also feel good. I can finally say my prayers tonight (or whenever the heck I finally fall asleep) and not make up an excuse over why I haven't attempted to reconcile with my sister. I also sent an email to my youth pastor thanking him for the impact he has on people and that I wanted him to realize he really does make a difference. In general terms, I explained to him I'd had a relationship that needed to be fixed but I was letting my pride get in the way, but that he helped push me to fix it.
My appointment is tomorrow. I called into work again tonight. I tried so hard not to. I just couldn't get my head to stop. I am really nervous about tomorrow, but my dad is going with me, so maybe he will help to kind of calm me down. I mean, it's worth a shot right? I was going to go by myself originally. Work could have made my nerves a little better tonight, because I'd be stressed over work instead of the appointment. But I was so afraid of all the noises hurting my head so badly. And after nearly fainting yesterday, I felt it may be important as well to try to keep myself pretty busy today with things I had to do to try to get myself back in the swing but not over do it. I just pray that they can find an answer tomorrow and it is easily treatable. I am really scared, but if tomorrow puts an end to this and I can move on, I'll be so grateful. My stepmom did say, however, not to expect the MRI tomorrow the MS. She said that in her experience that would be in another appointment. So, I'll most likely do a CT tomorrow and I don't know what else. I've had a CT before. It only bothered me, because, hello, who wants a big bright light shining in your eyes when your head hurts? Not exactly what I call helpful. So, I'll just try my best to remember to close my eyes! :)
If you're interested in listening to the sermon I discussed, here's the link: http://www.thequestonline.com/messages/re-imagine-relationships/ Happy reconciling!