My Undefeated Gamecocks!!

I was terrified at the beginning of the game this weekend against East Carolina. We look AWFUL. Poor Conner Shaw tried so hard, but he simply wasn't making it happen. Now, trust me, I don't have every confidence in the world in Stephen Garcia. I also HATE the fact he's been in trouble so many freaking times. HOWEVER, I have to hand it to him this weekend. He was able to turn that game completely around and the Gamecocks had me jumping off the couch in excitement! We are officially 1-0 and Georgia is now 0-1. Hopefully that will work in our favor this upcoming week!! I am a HUGE Gamecock fan...who moved to Georgia last November. Granted, I live five minutes from my hometown (which is in South Carolina), but it is a huge difference in my mind, because I hate the bulldogs. I can honestly say I've never been to borderbash either for some reason. Who knows, if I'm not working, maybe I can find some Gamecock fans to go with. I definitely don't want to be surrounded by Bulldogs for that....unless of course for protection! haha
I also figured out a way to save some money but refresh my book collection since I finished Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks the other night (INCREDIBLE book by the way!!!. I took four books up to Columbia with me and exchanged them with four my sister had! That should give me awhile before I have to buy more! Whew! I definitely didn't plan on spending as much as I did this weekend, but I figured my sis and her fiancee wouldn't have cash, so I offered to buy the pizza. Then, I knew since I was in Columbia I needed to try to find a new car flag since they were sold out everywhere after the Championship in June. While I was there, I also found USC car magnets (got 2) and USC coasters (8). I'd been trying to find coasters for some time. They aren't the best quality in the world, but they'll do.
I was also introduced to petit fours this weekend -- incredible!! They are now going to be my newest baking venture I believe. They seem kind of complicated, though, so I'm a little nervous. But I need something new since a lot of people (while they still love them) have experienced my truffles.
I know I need to start actually being productive with things in my life, because otherwise there's about to be a lot more added stress. I still have yet to find a doctor, mainly because I've just gotten freaked out. I've kinda begun taking that "head in the sand" approach and I need to talk myself out of it. I need to find a seamstress to hem the bridesmaids dress for my best friend's wedding in October. I also need to figure out if I'm staying in this apartment (if they'll give me the current price or cheaper) or if I need to find a less expensive place. I've already driven to a lot of different places and I've called a couple realtors for houses and townhomes, but I never got calls back. So, I'm going to try to set up some appointments for some apartments I've been interested in. I just hate knowing, though, that I won't find the space I have now without at least paying what I'm paying now or even more. I love the space here, but if I'm ever going to put a dent in these student loans and feel like I can start having a life, something's gotta change. I've been putting this stuff off, and it's getting to be last minute now. I know I'm dealing with enough already without adding all of that to it. That would be my own stupid fault.
I've also learned that I don't pick up on people hitting on me sometimes. A friend admitted to me he used to like me and I had no idea. I felt like an idiot in fact. I know I was very depressed at the time and thought about my ex constantly and how he hurt me, but to know I was that blind, that's pretty ridiculous. I also learned that I can hang out with my ex and have a good time just sitting and talking. The problem is when the topic of us comes up. Whether or not to try again. Neither of us needs to be in a relationship right now. As far as a future, I don't know. There's obviously something still there. The problem is I'm not sure if I can ever truly trust him again or not. Not sure if he can truly let go of his temper and just show his soft side toward me - the side that would do anything to see me happy. I don't want to constantly feel like I have to defend everything I say or do because of him getting upset for the rest of my life. What a miserable way to live. A part of me says let go and move the heck on. A part of me says look what you had with him and it can happen again. A part of me says there's that and better out there. I'm so confused. So afraid. What I won't do is wait for him. I made that very clear to him a long time ago. If someone comes along that I care about and can learn to get close to and trust, I'm going for it. I proved that to him back in May. It turned out just to be another jerk who actually works for a church, so I thought he was a great, Godly man. I was wrong. He was nothing but a gigantic hypocrite...with...what else..a temper. UGH. I told him he needed to lose my number. Never, ever have I told anyone that before. I have told people not to call but never to actually delete my number. The thing is, though, I knew from the beginning I wasn't too terribly interested because after about a week, I was already texting my ex again. No, it wasn't anything about getting together or anything like that. I do not, have not, nor will I ever cheat. I simply asked how he was. That's when I figured out I missed him. I only saw the guy a couple more weeks if that. I know that somebody is going to do something one day to prove to me I should be with him. Who it will be only God knows right now. I am simply going to live my life and let it happen.
I kind of just wish I could move away and start a new life. I want a fresh group of people. People who actually want to hang out with me, not just when it is convenient for them because they have nothing better to do. I want to be around people who don't know my past, because then they won't judge me. No, not everyone I hang out with currently judges me for things I've shared with them, but some do. I definitely need to get a new job but I need to wait a little longer for resume purposes. I just need a huge change. I want to find happiness. I know it's right around the corner waiting for me to find it. I just keep reading the map wrong and losing my way. I won't give up, though. I'll get right back on the path and trying different routes until finally I find the right one. With God by my side, I know it's more than possible. No, I'm not perfect, and He knows that very well. He's more than willing to help me, though, and I continue to pursue him. I want Him as my priority and nothing else. It's hard, but I know it's the right road in the end.